Anxiety in your child, and the struggles of a mother
You have a beautiful baby. You love him, care for him, and do everything a mother should do. He grows up wonderfully happy and well-rounded. Then suddenly everything changes. Your beautiful, smart child is now throwing temper tantrums at 11 years old. He didn’t even do that when he was 2. Everything from backtalking to beating his head on a tile floor. His anger and depression go far beyond normal hormonal changes. You are legitimately concerned for his well being. He is suddenly struggling in school and at home. He doesn’t seem to care about anything. What do you do?
Loving him doesn’t work. Discipline doesn’t work. Redirecting doesn’t work. I struggled with this for two years with my precious son. So many things changed in him. From his behavior to weight gain, he became a completely different person. The good thing was that I could still see some of that sweet boy struggling to break through. That continued to give me hope.
It’s okay, mom. Your child will be fine. But there are things you need to know. Dealing with a child with high anxiety is not easy, but it’s totally doable and worth it. In the end, you will be much closer and he will love you for sticking by him.
Diagnosing anxiety in a child is not easy. Our first trial was ADHD. Although he clearly has ADHD, that was not causing all of his problems. The CDC says that about 5 in 10 children with ADHD have behavior issues. Added to that, about 3 in 10 have anxiety. Our personal struggle included trying every ADHD medication out there, after exhausting “home remedies”. I took red food dye and sugar out of his diet completely. We made soothing distractions for him to use when he felt angry or upset. These were only temporary successes. It took many failing medications for me to realize there was something else going on.
The lightbulb went off for me when I noticed that his behavior was sometimes replicating mine when I felt anxious. I take anxiety medication myself but honestly had never thought of a child having it. He would very quickly get angry about the least little thing. Something as simple as asking him to take out the trash would send him into a rage. I used to be that way as well before I got help for myself.
Medication is your friend. I am not a huge fan of medicating, but in some situations, it has its benefits. Think of it this way. If your child had a heart issue that medication would fix, you would make sure they get it, right? Illnesses of the brain are no different. Mental illness holds such a stigma, that we shy away from getting the help that we need. Don’t do that to your child. For my son, Lexapro has been a Godsend. Granted, it’s not a silver bullet. But he is able to rationalize and think through things now, where he couldn’t before. My son is also dyslexic, so reading and numbers are a huge source of anxiety for him. He feels inadequate because he doesn’t see things properly. Now he has the ability to understand that his learning disability is a mountain he can climb, rather than something that constantly knocks him down. He has become my sweet boy again.
From a mother's standpoint, we want to fix it. That is our job, to fix anything that is wrong. To give our kids knowledge and understanding to make them independent and help them succeed in life. But sometimes moms need help too. I have been blessed to have friends with children that struggle with the same issues. I would greatly recommend you find someone to talk to. Even if it’s an online forum, having other moms who understand your struggle really helps take the pressure off. Research, research, research. The more you know, the better you can understand your child’s struggle. Stay in touch with his doctor, and have good conversations with your child. Understanding what was “wrong” helped my son cope. He finally had a why to his madness, so to speak. Understand that he will probably always struggle with this, and that’s okay. Without struggle, there is no progress. Letting him know and showing him that you will always be there for him goes a long way.
I hope that my struggle helps you. One of the best ways to learn is to hear from someone who has experienced what we are going through. Know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and you are a great mom. You will conquer.
